October 21, 2009

3(2+5) - 13

It was my birthday on Monday, and it was pretty shit. But that's okay because I've got my LC-A+ and I'm somewhat thrilled.

Journal entry from October 19th 2007:

When I was seven, eight, nine, perhaps even ten, I'd always i
magine myself a certain way at fifteen. Grown up and familiar with the world. But I've let myself down by not being anything like I had wanted, by not doing all the things I expected myself to have done. Where I stand now is not where I want to stand, and where I want to stand, I'm not even sure. I just feel like a big chunk of my life is missing, and I was the one who got rid of it.

I read seven of my old journal entries and then I had to stop, because I couldn't bear to go further. It scares me that I was such an unhappy girl. No one should ever have to relive that sort of pain through words I didn't even understand. It's sort of funnily pathetic, in a way. I don't think my mindset has changed much in two years.

(Taken at The Curve during Christmas time last year. If you look carefully you can see little people in Santa hats, singing along to pre-recorded Christmas carols, pushing their way through the Christmas crowd to get to the foam string cans at the end. They were only two dollars.)

We had a geography excursion to White Rocks Dairy Farm today, that was less of an excursion than it was a long, dreary bus ride. I managed to get many pictures of cows, cow dung, cow bums and other Freesian things. It was a complete waste of a day, but I live for the bus rides like these, with Texta moustaches and candy bracelets and lots of secret, sleepy photographs.

October 15, 2009


Cheap thrills. Flowers. Fairy lights. Lollipop rings. Ballpoint pens on thin paper. Words like silhouette, cynicism, inevitable. Rooftops. Mixtapes. Hair sniffing. Muscle ache. Deers. Bruises. Bubble baths. Bubbles in general. Inside jokes. Marketplaces. Starting books/finishing books. Alliteration. No-reason parties. Pre-dawn and post-dawn parties (partying should not exist at dawn itself). Words that end in -escent. Words that rhyme. Midnight movies. Tchaikovsky. Typing fast. The smell of new books/bookshops/bookstalls/bookshelves. Party hats. Long train rides. Rainbows. Strobe lights. Handholding. Film. "Holy macaroni!". Phone calls in which I am not expected to respond. Paradoxes. Lovebites. Foreign films on SBS. Cloudy days. Good conversations with new friends. Good conversations with old friends. Math. Matchsticks. Sunrises/sets. Helium balloons. Thick accents. Children's TV shows. High heels. Naps.

Failure. Spiders. Heights. Words like moist and ointment. Coming down. Death. Sobering up. Insects. Wet hair on dry backs. Hypocrisy. "Yeah but still". Public speaking. Forgetting. Sometimes rain.

I love a lot more than I hate, although you can't always tell.

Taken 5th April 2008. You can see how my hands were shaking. But it was a rather wonderful day, filled with white sheets and grey fog and black skies dusted with pentatonic scales and late night movies on mute. It was good while it lasted.

October 05, 2009


I went to Fremantle today with dumb and dumber to get my 120mm Holga photos developed. Finally! The man behind the counter says it'll be done any time after midday tomorrow. I'm so excited/scared. I've never been this anxious over an inanimate object in a really long time.

The end. Sorry.

P.S. I once got into trouble in kindergarten, when we were given worksheets with little boxes to fill out, and instead of filling them out I coloured the boxes in. I was told off for not following instructions, and then I started crying, and ever since then I always make sure I read questions more than twice.

(The point of this is that I don't want to make mistakes, but I'm not perfect. Just don't reprimand me if the colours come out wrong.)